The Product Poet’s Best of MOA


The Product Poet is a character built on Twitter by an unnamed corporate exec whose love of Haiku is equaled only by his love of Cinnabon. And Nike. And many other brands about which he writes 140-character poems without accepting a dime. His enthusiastic rhymes have attracted an audience of more than 150,000, so it’s no wonder big brands get excited when he throws them a verse. That includes Mall of America, frequent stomping grounds for the Product Poet.

Just mention the mall to the Product Poet, and this happens: “For over 20 years we have been coming to the Mall of America. While shops, restaurants and attractions come and go, at the Mall of America, our great memories continue to grow.”

So we asked him what’s tops on his list of things to do at MOA. Rhyming encouraged, but not required.

Parking. West ramps, near Nordstrom. We almost always end up on the “Yellow, Pineapple, Hawaii” level. It took me nearly 15 years before I realized that there were three different ways to remember your floor, versus just the level.

Shopping. We spend the vast majority of shopping time at Nordstrom, as the whole family has something they can find here. The shoe selection for both men and women is exceptional at Nordstrom, but I also love to shop at DSW. As for me, I shop at Burberry and Banana Republic, but also spend an inordinate amount of time at the Apple Store or Best Buy, as I’m a technology geek. As for Mrs. Product Poet, she spends a fair amount of time in MAC, Sephora, Sigma Beauty, LOFT and Banana Republic.

Dining. We love Tucci Bennuch for Italian, Benihana for hibachi and Tiger Sushi when we want to get a quick sushi fix. I also really enjoy Tony Roma’s because, I don’t “dig on swine” but their beef ribs are quite divine. When it comes to dessert (or even a tasty lunch) we head on over The Magic Pan Crepe Stand. You can get sweet and savory crepes, as well as a pizza crepe. Now I call that magical. Another fun dessert place we will stop into is Cupcake, which is great. Our lads really enjoy the whole food court, as they love Chipotle as well as Johnny Rockets.

Free Fun. Three of my most favorite things to do at the Mall of America are actually free:

1. Build a LEGO car at the LEGO Store. Even this big “kid” enjoys making and racing LEGO cars.

2. On certain nights, the Mall of America has a light and laser show. Grab some food in the south food court and get a seat overlooking Nickelodeon Universe.

3. Create your own Mall of America scavenger hunt [Editor’s note: There’s an official mall scavenger hunt you can purchase through Dick’s Last Resort for $18.95, but why would you, when the Product Poet’s MOA tweets are free!]. Take a picture once you have found the store or the historical fact. Whoever has the most clues solved with pictures is the winner, but you also have created some great memories of your Mall of America experience. This one is may favorite: “An indoor park, for a first date, round the bases and touch home plate.” The clue will lead you to the commemorative home plate from the old Met Stadium.


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